Thursday, July 23, 2009

They are all against me... But not really.

There are no side kicks left in the world. I have used the last of all of my great epic human connections and wasted them on creeps and mega creeps at that. Don't be offended if you are one of these lousy folks I felt something for. If you aren't in my life now, it's probably for a very good reason and probably better in the end for both of us. But that certainly doesn't make traveling this lonely road alone any easier. Even if I know leaving you in the dust was the very best option there could have been.

It's right at 6am and I went to bed at a time I considered to be “early”. I was trying to get a whole night of complete rest. Not too little and not too much and at night not during the day. I just don't think that can be very healthy to sleep during the day all of the time and miss all of the good vitamin D hours. In doing that I am probably slicing years off of my life. Like having a terminal disease or something.

However I actually do FEEL tired, but when I lay down my mind won't shut the fuck up. It keeps reminding me of the things I need or simply promised I would do. I'm pretty behind on every aspect of life right now, especially my business... I now even the blinking cursor of this blog entry is harassing me.

I have a coffee maker and I bought these gourmet coffees for it and I don't know in the least how to use it. I have never made coffee or washed a sink full of my own dishes. Seriously I wonder sometimes why I am honestly allowed to pretend I am independent because although I am in ways beyond my years there are also things I just can't imagine doing for myself like... My laundry?

I finally figured out how to view my wide screen movies so that they aren't squished on my new wide screen HDTV. I suppose that's a plus for the week so far. Also I finally found my birth control after having lost it for an entire week. It's good I won't be drinking for at least a month during my full body cleanse cause you know, no alcohol equals no sex. Sex tends to feel out of place when I am sober like getting a vaccine or something similar.

I would also like to send out a big shout out saying FUCK YOU to whomever called my landlord and told them my dog bothers them by barking. Oh and as if that wasn't a cool enough move on their part they told the fucking man I had more than one dog in here barking up a storm 24/7 when I leave them “unattended”.

Ok first of all, I never even fucking leave my house so what are you talking about?

Number 2, there are only like 4 other apartments in this building and two of the households know me and would most likely just tell me if my dog was keeping them up at night or something. So basically I know it's one of two girls who need to fucking take a chill pill and stop lying cause both of them have seen me walk my ONE dog and never any others.

But whatever I just hope it settles and I don't get kicked out again. I fucking couldn't handle that. The only problem is that his bark collar doesn't work all of the time so I am scared to leave him when I need to go to appointments and run errands in general. I'm open to dog training suggestions...


What_Sadie_Sang said...

Hi, this is Brittney.
Just letting you know that I lurk.

Anonymous said...

javastud here, hope you are figuring out how to make coffee, just put a couple scoops of ground beans in the filter, and then fill it up with water and turn that bitch on, bam, water into coffee for your enjoyment!

Anonymous said...

hi jess, this is spex_!

i have two advices which can help you to be able to sleep at the time you choose.

1. you can listen to "audio dramas". that prevents your mind to think about stuff you don't want to think about at that moment. there are commercial audio dramas and non-professional audio dramas. you can find one of these free non-commercial audio drama series here: .
when i listen to them, it takes 10-45 minutes until i fall asleep.

2. or you can use a program which influences your brainwave frequencies to induce sleep withing 30 minutes. "brainwave entrainment" techniques are e.g. "binaural beats" or "isochronic tones". a programm which uses the former is called "i-doser" .
there are audio-"doses" for nearly everything(inducing sleep, helping you to wake up, or setting your mind into a state of meditation, defeating depression, etc.).
a different program is "mind-stereo" .

greetings from germany
(i know you from jtv)