Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Rant On "Time"

Time… I don’t have it. I try to keep all of my to do’s and to don’ts in check and in order but nothing seems to work.

As you probably know. I had a stroke a month and a week ago. It prevented me from being able to perform or work on my online projects updating my sites and all of the normal work I generally have to do for nearly 3 weeks. This is mainly due to the fact that I was in the hospital for over a week and couldn’t read a lick for two weeks.

Someone eventually brought my net-book to the hospital for me to try to check my emails which by that point were backed up worse than I have ever seen them. ( I generally get about 300-400 emails a day. They range from business folks, affiliates, members, fans and some of these emails are well disguised spam which has to be waded through to determine which is which…)

When I first got my sick little hands on my tiny net-book I was so infuriated at the fact that I couldn’t understand ANY of my emails or ANY of my instant messages. My Doctor said I shouldn’t worry about it and that I should try to take it easy until the first of the new year. But I just can’t do things like that. I have to push my limits.

So here we are a month and a week after the said event of UndressJess having her stroke. I am obviously typing this. I am not having a friend transcribe what I want to say down to the key board. I’m a big girl that’s doing it for herself But it’s still extremely difficult for me to communicate this way. First of all like a dyslexic I am constantly misspelling words that I previously knew how to spell correctly, I am omitting words entirely from written sentences, and my sentence structure is lacking… to say the least. Each time I post a twitter update I have to reread the damned thing 50 million times to make sure everything is spelled correctly, nothing is left out and that it’s in the right order and readable.

It certainly does NOT help that I am an individual with a serious case of ADD… (Attention Deficit Disorder) I have been taking Adderal to help with this for the last million years. And now all of a sudden my doctor doesn’t want me to ingest any medicine that may interact with the blood thinners I am on or that may trigger another Stroke. Don’t get me wrong, this is not what they think may have caused the stroke in the first place, they just want to play it “safe”.

Not having my ADD meds to help me focus is really taking a shit on my recovery as well as standing in the way of me attempting to get anything done for my business. I can’t seem to focus on anything for more than 3 minutes and relearning to read has been a bitch because of this. I’m really surprised I have gotten so far. I wish I knew of a natural remedy for ADD or of something that could help with it NATURALLY in a NON-DANGEROUS way. This whole stroke thing has really made me weary of taking anything without doing thorough research on it first… This brings me to what they think might have caused it in the first place.

Brace yourself! It was my fucking birth control… LITERALLY. That’s so great for me considering I love to have sex and my members love to watch me have sex on my 18 (soon to be 20) 24/7 spy cams located all over my house. I also have an issue with condoms, because if I use them my vah-jay-jay will swell up to double it’s size and it’s extremely sensitive and even painful if you touch it for a week afterward. I don’t know what this is about because as far as I know I have not had a latex reaction to anything else. So I am at a loss on what to do about this.

Thinking about all of this is so overwhelming sometimes I just want to collapse into a ball and scream and cry… and honestly sometimes I HAVE TO DO THAT! You might wonder what the hell is wrong with me if you see me do this on my spy cams. I’m usually fine so don’t worry. I just need some way to get this muck out of my soul! Does that make any sense or am I just talking out of my ass here?

If I could just spend my day doing anything I wanted to do without having to worry about making a living through an internet business; I would paint, sing, choreograph dances, play the Wii, write stories, make movies, spend all day at the library and at the coffee shop. I think a lot of people misunderstand what I really do here in my home. Yes I work from home, but what does that mean?
Let me just name a few responsibilities that I have as a webmaster of my own smutty solo alt girl site:

1. Marketing
a. This takes up most of my time and includes just about anything a person can do to get their name out there to an many people as possible and get them interested in you and your work.
b. This is probably the most time consuming part of my job.

2. Creating Content
a. To do this you need to preferably have a nice area (or plans to shoot elsewhere) where you can film or take pictures. I rarely have time to just CLEAN or freshen up my area before I do this because I am doing so many things at once.
b. This adds more stress to the equation: MONEY! You need money to buy cute and sexy lingerie to model in and out of, to buy the equipment needed to compete with this very saturated market of solo girl sites popping up every day, beauty products like fake hair, make-up that works with HD photography and film (this shit is EXPENSIVE!), fake tan products that make your body look more appealing, skin care and supplements that help aid your body in aging gracefully but less quickly (considering I am in the “teen/babe” market. Hey everyone should start early!) and there is SOOOO much more.

Luckily I have amazing fans and members that want to see me in high quality pictures and videos and in nice sexy lingerie and they want to see me look and feel awesome about myself so a lot of this stuff is provided for me via the wish lists:
1. http://www.amazon.com/wishlist/WLFKOINITPGK
2. http://www.amazon.com/wishlist/1BICJUHQA75SX

3. Editing Content
a. So now that I have content out the ass I have to edit it. Sometimes the lighting in photos SUCKS and needs to be brightened. Some times in the middle of me dildo-ing myself on a rickety bar stool I fall off and I don’t want to embarrass myself so I edit it out! This shit takes up more time than you know!
b. Because I don’t have a PC built for editing or (even better) a MAC I am constantly having to restart my computer because it has frozen up. I have to use more than one program to get the effect that I am looking for, or the program just crashes and I lose the video that I have been working on painstakingly for 2 long hours. THIS SUCKS! I was saving up to buy myself the king of all MAC computers to do this on but because of my recent medical expenses I won’t be buying ANYTHING for quite awhile.

4. Emails
a. I am not wanting you guys to think I don’t love hearing from you because I really do appreciate being loved! But sometimes it gets overwhelming!
b. I have emails from affiliates asking for things like special fan sign photos for them to use to promote me and they want it that day… See it takes me nearly 4 hours to get ready to take my pro photos and I do the pro photo-sets all at one time 2 to 4 times a year. The other sets are DIY and aren’t going to be as fancy. But even with those I have to have the best lighting and be all made up. So by the time I get around to doing new photo sets the highlighted email asking for the fan picture is now 3 pages back in the email archive and I totally miss doing it!

c. I am trying to be more organized, I have been trying to be for months but it’s so hard when my brain is only half working and I have ADD and NOW I can add dyslexia to the list (I really hope this is only temporary). I am so frustrated all the time I could hit myself in the face.

The last thing I am doing to list even though there is MUCH more to be said about updating, performing members shows, coding, providing new features to the site to get members entertained at all times and what not but this is another huge on for me…

5. Research!
a. It may look like I am just browsing the internet but I am continually looking at what other sites are doing, b. What is the new standard? Recently everything went to HD and I am still working on that myself but now people are even working on providing SUPER HD resolution which ends up being like blu-ray quality! So this means I need a camera that is compatible with that! (There is a cheaper portable one on my wish list that does this guys! *Hint! Hint!* ) But yeah the industry is constantly changing and I am barely hanging on trying to keep up! Can you imagine how stressful this is? Although I must say (and without any shame) my site offers must more than the average solo girl site out there. I update weekly both with pics and videos, I have 18 (soon to be 20) spy cams on me 24/7, daily cam shows (though I’ve been missing this more often due to my stroke and the exhaustion from taking these stupid blood thinners, I still end up doing a hell of a ton more live members shows than my fellow cam sistas) when most girls do one once a month or every blue moon, I have access to more spy cams/cam shows by other folks other than myself than any other site on the internet and for WAY less money. I also have a fetish section I have been slowly working on adding more and more to, my members get direct access to my personal messaging handles and email address and thus can contact me whenever they have any questions or suggestions. I really love my site and although it’s a LOT of work it’s certainly a labor of love! I just need more time... A longer day.


Anonymous said...

You should, if nothing else, be proud of yourself for doing as much as you have, given the obstacles you've faced. I should add that you've done this with a modicum of grace and style.

If hope your fans are patient with your recovery and are supportive enough to understand. I do. I watched family members struggle with stroke after stroke (not related to birth control) and continue to communicate, laugh, love and enrich their lives.

You're more resilient than they were and it shows. I'm rooting for you.

(aka "UndressJess") said...

Thank you so much! I am really trying! It just feels like I am going slower than usual. It really sucks feeling this way:(

Anonymous said...

Keep going Jess, it may be a long road but you'll get there in the end. You're a strong woman, easily strong enough to get through this.

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