Tuesday, October 9, 2012

I feel like a failure...

I've been so horribly depressed again lately. I thought I was getting better. I thought that the Wellbutrin my doctor put me on was helping. I feel like a failure that I can't get motivated enough to get my apt straight so I can make new super high quality HD videos for y'all & finally start on MFC. :(

There are some natural antidepressants I wanna try along with my Wellbutrin. They're called "Sam-e" & "5 HTP". I have them on my "Keep me healthy" amazon wish list. I dunno if they'll interact with my Wellbutrin though. My friend Ashley is a pharmacist so she's going to check for me tomorrow & let me know. If they don't interact I'm going to try adding those to my regimen. I can't go on like this. I feel fucking awful like Im failing myself & everyone else.

I think this all has a lot to do with my doctor taking me off of Adderall so abruptly but I know there are other influences too. I'm bi-polar so I might be having a depressive spell but it seriously feels likes it's been going on FOREVER! /:

Anyway I just needed to vent... I hope y'all don't mind? :) Sorry to be a Debbie Downer though. I promise I'm trying super hard to overcome this. Feeling like a slug constantly is NOT fun. I even feel like my thoughts are all jarbled. Like I can't think straight... I guess that's my ADD flaring up hard from the lack of Adderall in my system?

Ugh... I hope Ashley tells me tomorrow that I can try those natural drugs. I think if they won't have an adverse effect mixed with Adderall that they really help me! :) Cross your fingers homies!!!

Time to get settled in, have some night time tea & watch a movie. I hope my tomorrow will be brighter! Wish me luck y'all! (>^.^)> Nighty!